August 12, 2022
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Amid fears that he might have possessed information helpful to building nuclear weapons, Donald J. Trump sought to reassure Americans by declaring that he “couldn’t even build a wall.”
“This business of me building nuclear weapons is a joke,” he said. “You look at my record. I had four years to build a wall and I didn’t get it done. I put my record of not building things against anyone’s.”
Further reassuring the public, Trump added, “From what I understand about building nuclear weapons, it involves a lot of reading. There’s math, there’s science. Not gonna happen.”
Trump said that if “there’s anyone you should worry about building nukes, quite frankly, it’s Joe Biden.”
“Sleepy Joe has been on a building tear,” he said. “He’s building roads, he’s building bridges, he’s building microchip factories. This should never be allowed to happen in our country.”
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